OTH: $5.37

[GAHorn]

$5.37! That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56 , not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh" ? I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind.

"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.
I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say Ginkgo Bilbao, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits..

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.

Notice the larger type? That's for those of us who have trouble reading.

P.S. Save the earth...... It's the only planet with chocolate !!!!!

[canav8]

Dam that was funny. D

[jrenwick]

I love it. My lunch-time friends and I ask for the senior discount at all the restaurants that have one. The best thing was visiting Glacier Park a couple of years ago and, for a mere $10, receiving a card that admits me and everyone in the car into any national park for free. Made my whole day, and quite a few more!

Bette Davis said getting old is not for sissies. She must have been a lot older than me!

[Bruce Fenstermacher]

IF you just put on your readers or had to enlarge this type to read it your probably as old as George.

[15A]

I did and I am.

[cessna170bdriver]

IF you just put on your readers or had to enlarge this type to read it your probably as old as George.

NOT guilty on all three counts. I guess that means I still have room to grow.

[Robert Eilers]

I am still active after 35 years with the Sheriff's Office and seldom think about or feel my age (untill passing a mirror), however every now and then my age hits me right in the face. I was fully retired once for about a week, before the Sheriff called me and asked me to come back and manage our aviation program on a part-time basis. The program Chief pilot we had invested a lot of time and training dollars in medically retired unexpectedly and left us unprepared (why we were unprepared is another long story that I am sure no one cares to hear). After a week of nothing to do I was glad to come back to work. I think my wife was also glad to see me have some where to go at least for most of the day. I get to spend long hours in an airplane with young investigators who are full of enthusiasm for the job, full of ambition and full of talent - I'd do this for nothin, but don't tell the Sheriff. On a long surveillance there is a lot of time to kill when absolutely nothing is happening (it's not Starsky and Hutch), so we fill the long boring hours talking to one another about our likes and dislikes,our favorites foods, our different experiences, and women. One day last week, I was with a partcularly talented young officer and reminiscing about the good ole days back in 1972, just after leaving the Army and trying to start an aviation career. The "relatively" young officer in the back seat suddenly pipes up and says "1972? " "I was born in 1972". Was 1972 really that long ago?

[Brad Brady]

IF you just put on your readers or had to enlarge this type to read it your probably as old as George.

NOT guilty on all three counts. I guess that means I still have room to grow.

OH! come on Miles, you are the same age as I am. If you didn't put on readers to see that.....You must have a 50" flat screan for your computer!

[4583C]

IF you just put on your readers or had to enlarge this type to read it your probably as old as George.

I'm older than George and I could read it without assistance!!

[hilltop170]

Yeah, I could read it too. I'm older than George, and near-sighted.

[170C]

I'm older. What can I say

[cessna170bdriver]

IF you just put on your readers or had to enlarge this type to read it your probably as old as George.

NOT guilty on all three counts. I guess that means I still have room to grow.

OH! come on Miles, you are the same age as I am. If you didn't put on readers to see that.....You must have a 50" flat screan for your computer!

Well, I do have a 22" flat screen monitor, but Bruce's type is still pretty small. I've been blessed with natural monovision, one substantially nearsighted eye, one slightly farsighted eye, and my brain automatically switches between the two as required. My medical says I need corrective lenses, so I keep a pair of glasses in the airplane, but if I wear them, the correction for the nearsighted eye (the one my brain wants to use for reading) renders charts useless. I've tried bifocals, but I can't get the Dr. to prescribe zero correction for the close-in prescription. The biggest drawback to using only one eye at a time is that my depth perception sucks, and after almost 33 years since my first flying lesson, I still have to "feel" for the runway on landing. The good news is that all that time, Cessna landing gear has been up to the task.

[azmuth1]

George, you couldn't have made this story up! I'm worried for myself...I'm 55. Will this happen to me next year?

John

[Brad Brady]

Miles,
Janet has a corrective way to do what you naturally do. She has a contact for near and one for far.....Her brain figures every thing out from there. For me it is quite different. until I was 45 I had no problems seeing anything any where.....Then I started getting bruises on the back of my head. working under panels...Trying to push my head through the floor board! As of now the DR. has me having to have readers with me when flying.....I just don't have to use them

[cessna170bdriver]

Miles,
... As of now the DR. has me having to have readers with me when flying.....I just don't have to use them

Brad, not having to use your readers just means that your arms are still long enough.